Christmas is over and I'm still relatively sane. I spent wayyyy too much money on the people I love (and some I don't) but, it feels good to be able to get people what they want for Christmas. What did I get for xmas you ask? Not much, a coat, a few DVD's and some small stuff. If I haven't mentioned it before, I hope everybody had a Merry Christmas.

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Methos 5 favorite Christmas songs.

5 - Happy Chanukah (1 and 2) - Adam Sandler
4 - Father Christmas - Emerson, Lake and Palmer
3 - Blue Christmas - Porky Pig
2 - Fairytale of New York City - The Pogues
1 - Happy Christmas (War is over) - John Lennon (and Yoko Oh No!)

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"This lovely music went trembling through the ground and many were wakened on hearing that sound. And travelers on the road, the village they found, by the light of that ship in the sky, which shone all around.

And just before dawn at the paling of the sky, the stranger returned and said "now I must fly". When two thousand years of your time has gone by, this song will return, once again, to a baby's cry."

Previous LOD was "If Everyone Was Listening" by UK group "Supertramp"

Season's greetings all. Sorry that it's been so long since my last update. My arm is still in a cast and sling so it makes it very hard to type. Work has been very busy since we're in "crunch time" with year-end duties etc. I'm taking 10 days off work for the next two weeks (starting on Sunday) so, I should be able to do some updating and get my Christmas stuff done.

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Most of you know that I live in central Canada. For those that don't know, it gets VERY cold here in the winter months. Some people are under one of two impressions about Canada. A) You live in Vancouver where it never gets really cold but, it rains all year. or b), you live in central Canada where it's winter all year round. Neither of these are true but, it does seem to rain in Vancouver a lot.

I live in Winnipeg and it's known for cold winters. Usually, it's starts snowing around the end of October. This year, we had our first snowfall on December 14th, which is pretty late in the year for us. The day that it snowed, it was a cool -2 degrees Celsius (that's 28 Fahrenheit for those that still live in the stone age or in the USA). Two days later, I woke up yesterday morning to find that the temperature had dropped to a whopping -27 degrees (-16 Fahrenheit). Let me tell you, it's VERY cold.

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Top 10 things I need to do for Christmas.

10 - Take out a 1 million dollar bank loan so I can buy the stuff on my daughter's Christmas list.
9 - Remind my daughter that I'm poor and tell her that love is all she needs for xmas.
8 - Get a reinforced cast for my arm so that I don't get hurt in the big malls while xmas shopping.
7 - Try and convince all my friends that I'm Jewish so that I don't have to buy them xmas presents.
6 - Make sure I get proper xmas stockings for the fireplace and not use pantyhose like I did last year.
5 - Re-wire my xmas lights so that they use my neighbors electricity and not mine.
4 - Conveniently leave a copy of my xmas list everywhere I go.
3 - Buy my mother another cheap gift and say stuff like "look at this luxurious shampoo I bought you".
2 - Burn 50 copies of Quake 3 for my friends and tell them it's the new OEM single player version.
1 - Send a Merry Christmas Letter to John Carmack on behalf of the "Quake Community". 

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"The actors and jesters are here. The stage is in darkness and clear. We're raising the curtain and no-one's quite certain whose play it is. How long ago, how long? If only we had listened then. If we'd known just how right we were going to be. For we dreamed a lot and we schemed a lot and we tried to sing of love before the stage fell apart.

Well, what is your costume today? Who are the props in your play? You're acting a part which you thought from the start was an honest one. Well how do you plead? An actor indeed! Go re-learn your lines, You don't know what you've done, the finale's begun."

Previous LOD was "No Secrets" by Aussie group "Angel City"

Campers! I hate them. As I mentioned in my previous .plan update, most of the things that players do on-line don't bother me a whole lot but, campers really get me angry.

I was playing on an FFA server the other night, there were about 6 other players on the level (DM2). After a couple of minutes on DM2, two more players joined the server. These two players used the names MAF-Hexum and MAF-Alcatra. They proceeded to camp for the entire match. They were both LPB and Hexum was the better player so, he was to be the one to get a 1on1 spanking from me.

I talked to Hexum and accused him and his buddy of being campers. His response was kind of a "yeah, so what" type of answer which irritated me even more. I politely invited him for a 1on1 match. After he didn't respond, I asked him again along with some choice words to stir him up. He told me that he would play me in a CA match. (wtf?) I asked him if we could play a 1on1 match that was a) on a real 1on1 map and b) in a mode where you can kill yourself. He said no because he was in a CA clan and that's all he played. I reminded him that we weren't on a CA server at that moment. Needless to say, he wouldn't play me. 

A couple of days later, I saw his buddy Alcatra, alone on an FFA server. I changed my alias and went on the server. I quickly changed the level to DM4 so that he wouldn't be able to camp. Of course, he whined that he hated DM4 and that he wanted to play DM6. I asked him if we could play one "fun" game on DM4 before moving to DM6? He agreed and we proceeded to play.

After about 6 minutes into the match, the score was 20 to -2 for me. I changed my alias to the one I was using on the server two days before and said "remember me, camper?". I then posted DaNoLd's infamous line, "That's what happens to campers!". He typed the words "fuck off" and then dropped from the game. It was a good day.

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I've been trying to find a way to copy DVD's from DVD to VHS. This may seem like an easy task but, it's not. There is a code on the DVD's called Macrovision. When the VCR receives a signal through S-Video, it will read this code. If you try to record a DVD, the Macrovision code will make the VHS screen fade in and out while recording. I figured the best way to find an answer would be to head over to IRC and ask some of the experts.

Now, before I get into this, I was doing this because a) I wanted to have a backup of certain DVD's, b) I wanted to be able to watch the movies on my other TV and c) if I was going to a friend's house or a friend wanted to borrow a movie and didn't have a DVD player. This was NOT being done because I wanted to pirate DVD's or give them away over the internet.

I went to effnet IRC and checked every phreaking, hacking, tech and computer channel they had. It seemed as though nobody had ever heard of this. I felt that this procedure must be fairly common but, I was wrong. Of course, all the people in the tech and computing channels accused me of piracy (sigh). 

The only suggestion I got was to rip the DVD, convert it to MPG (or similar) and then use the TV Out on my video card and record it that way. There were two problems with doing it this was. The first problem was disk space. Copying an 8 gig DVD, then converting it to MPG would require about 30 gigs of free hard drive space. The second problem was that if anybody has seen the quality of an mpg, while some are nice quality, they don't come near the quality of a DVD.

I left IRC and decided I would hunt the internet for some info. After visiting almost 200 sites, I found myself on a discussion forum for DVD's. While reading through the topics, I found one that said "DVD -> VHS". Hold it! This is what I wanted. I entered the forum and the first message I saw was from a guy complaining that he couldn't get a program called "Remote Selector" to work. The reply to this was "you need to have a separate DVD card for that program to work". I have the Creative Labs Encore 6x which comes with it's own DVD card. I thought I would try this program.

After finding Remote Selector on the internet, I started up the program. It auto-detected my DVD card, drive and default DVD player. I thought that was cool. I went to the "Region" page and it offered to disable region check. Just below that was the thing I was looking for. There was a button that had "Macrovision - Enable / Disable. Woohoo! I clicked on disable and started the player. I taped about 10 minutes of the movie True Lies and it taped perfectly. It was as good as any pre-recorded VHS tape I have seen.

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"Amanda, the actress, waits at the station, she's drifting with nothing to do. With dilettante steps, she's quick to accept, the weather and times turning screw. She lives in a tower, armed with defenses, she learned from her mother and friends. She walks like a pharaoh, dresses in day-glow and when she's in pain she pretends. Late in the night, when the lights are all out, she slips off her stockings and shoes. She makes you her lover and lets you discover, the smile she keeps, she keeps for you."

Previous LOD was "For You" by USA artist "Bruce Springsteen"

Geez, what a terrible week in the world. Last night, EgyptAir Flight 767 crashed in almost the same place that the Kennedy plane crashed a couple of months ago. The plane held 217 passengers of which 131 were American and 62 were Egyptian. Also included on the plane was a friend of mine who was traveling to Cairo for a vacation.

The week started out with the crash of a Lear Jet where 5 people including golfer Payne Stewart died. It is a tragic loss for the world of sports as he was one of the most recognizable players in the world.

Today, Canadian racecar driver Greg Moore died in a horrible crash at the Marlboro 500 CART race (formerly Indycar racing). I had met Greg Moore twice, one time, a few years ago, he even visited my house. I can tell you that he was one of the nicest gentlemen I have ever met. He was also one of the few drivers with a true natural talent for racing and the youngest driver ever to win a CART race. He was 24 years old when he died.

I'm not sure what else can be said about these tragic events as this kind of news is always devastating.

For those of you that have been following my mouse saga, I went out and bought the MicroSoft IntelliEye Explorer mouse. It's the 4 button plus wheel mouse with no moving parts (no mouse ball). 

I like the mouse, the response is great and it's wonderful knowing that I don't have to worry about cleaning the mouse again. The only problem I have found with the mouse is that the right button is too big and when in a tense situation (in a game), I keep hitting it with my ring finger that should never touch the mouse button.

Another thing that bothered me is that I had to go out and by a USB hub. With motherboards being able to contain nearly every feature, why is it that the built-in USB hub is only good for 2 connections? I now have 4 devices which use a USB connector. I have a USB Mouse, Laser Printer, Keyboard and WebCam.

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"Crawl into my ambulance, your pulse is getting weak. Reveal yourself all to me now, while you have the strength to speak. Cause they're waiting for you at Bellevue, with their oxygen masks, but I could give it to you now, if only you could ask.

Don't call for your surgeon, even he says it's late. It's not your lungs this time but, your heart holds your fate. Don't give me my money back, don't want it any more. It's not that nursery mouth I came back for, it's not the way you're stretched out on the floor. I've broken all your windows and I've rammed through all your doors and who am I to ask you to fight my wars."

Previous LOD was "Lost for Words" by UK band "Pink Floyd"

Decided to spend some more money last week. I went out and bought a new wide-screen TV. It's really cool but, it cost me $4,000. I will say one thing, watching a DVD movie on this TV is almost orgasmic. Next month, my cable company is offering Digital Cable access and my TV will look even better. Damn, at this rate, I'll never leave the house.

Next week, I'm buying a new car so, I guess I'll have to leave the house someday. By the way, new cars are expensive these days. Most of them range from $20,000 to $45,000. I'll probably get one in the $35,000 range unless some nice car that's relatively cheap, jumps out and calls my name.

There have been times during the past couple of years where I was under the impression that I had made some true friends on the internet. On a few occasions, this has been true. Otherwise, people that you thought were your true friends will stab you in the back without even blinking.

About six months ago, myself and another well-known web pimp had some pretty big plans for our sites. While we both spent time working on a creative action plan, I was the person working in the background in negotiations with a couple of major vendors and the other person was busy organizing people from around the internet to contribute along with local sponsorship groups.

Things were running along great. I had struck a financial deal that would get us going and keep a decent income for a couple of years. Everything was done except the signing of the contract. For whatever reason, the gaming site I was dealing with (a very well known one), decided to pull out of the deal (without telling us) and everything was left up in the air.

After that, my wonderful partner decided that this would be a good time to take the plans that both of us worked on for about six months and use them for himself. Pretty nice guy, huh?

Now, he certainly has the right to do what he wants but, so much for "true friends". To be honest, he did say that I could write for the new site. I guess that is a small consolation. Thanks a lot good buddy. Perhaps I'll be able to return the favor someday.

Note: I'm sure that people already know this but, I have been asked by the person I'm referring to in this post to make mention that "this represents my side of the story".

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"Can you see your days blighted by darkness? Is it true you beat your fist on the floor? Stuck in a world of isolation, while the ivy grows over the door.

So I open my door to my enemies and I ask "Could we wipe the slate clean?". But, they tell me to please go fuck myself. Some days, you just can't win."

Previous LOD was "Jimmy On The Central Line" by UK artist "John Illsley"

How to waste money in a short period of time. 

First, you take a 2 week vacation and do a bit of traveling.
Second, pay all of your bills that have accumulated over the past bunch of years.
Lastly, upgrade your computer with a bunch of fancy toys. Upgrades are expensive and I've spent a lot of money upgrading my systems. Here's what I added...

• Abit BP6 Dual Processor Motherboard
• 2 Intel Celeron 500mhz CPU's
• Creative Labs Encore DVD (6x)
• Creative Labs Blaster CD-RW 6424
• Creative Labs TNT2 Ultra 32meg Video Card
• 2 Quantum 18.2gig 7200rpm ATA66 Hard Drives
• 256 Megs of Ram (now using 384 in this PC)
• A Bigass Super-Duper Computer Chair (it's really nice)
• And a few other smaller toys

Besides leaving me with little money, it gives me what I consider a kickass system. I also bought a Sony GDM-W900 24" Monitor ($2,100 US) but, they didn't have it in stock so, I decided not to wait and I'm stuck using my 19" monitor for a while. :(

"Weary morning traveler, another weekend gone. Billboards paint a better picture than where you come from. You don't want to talk about it, you might as well talk to the wall. Isolated in your newspaper-crossword puzzle-Page Three Girl. 

Turn around and change this empty life. Nine to five is killing me, there must be more in life. I can't seem to understand it, I don't know what to make of it all. Then I hear your sweet song, loud and strong, echo down the tunnel walls.

I know that some throw you silver, some just walk on by. When you play the Central Line, I can feel my anger slide."

Previous LOD was "Civil War" by USA group "Guns n' Roses"

It's been two months since I updated this page, let's see what we can come up with as far as mundane thoughts. I'm sure many people are thinking that most of the stuff I post is mundane. :)

I was going to update this page on July 19th and repost the story of Ettu, Hellrot and the Random Spawns. I had posted it a year ago and it had actually taken place a year before that. When I posted the story last year, it received a huge response and people thought it was very nostalgic. Reading it now, it doesn't seem to have the same effect that it did back then. At the time, it was a huge step forward in breaking the boundaries of international Quake. Now days, we've had a few major international tourneys so, it's starting to become widely accepted.

Anyway, without further delay, here's the repost of that fateful night a couple of years ago.

Originally posted July 19, 1998.

Sit back kids and enjoy some Quake folklore. Once upon a time....

Quake memories are a good thing to have. Last year, on May 27th (1997) I was chatting on-line with a few of the guys from Clan 311. Walter.311 lives about 5 miles away from me and he knew that I was a big fan of some of the well known UK Quake players.

During the conversation, I told him I would go to a UK server and see if I could get a player or two to come over and play on 311's server. I went to one of the Crystal servers in the UK and found QL-Ettu (from Clan QuakeLords) and Adze from QPD (Adze ran the servers). They were practicing the GL/RL jump to the rafters on E1M7.

I had seen Ettu in some demos previously but I had never spoken with him before. I asked them if they would "come out to play" and they both agreed. On the US server, both of them had pings around 130-150.

Although none of the 311 lpb's were on the server, there was some decent competition in Walter and a few others. Needless to say, both UK players played well but, Ettu put on a show that would change QuakeWorld forever (literally). On DM4, Adze played 2 1on1 matches which he won and Ettu played 3 1on1 matches which he also won. There was also a 2on2 DM6 match which wasn't even close.

In one of Ettu's 1on1 DM4 matches, he stood at the bottom of the steps near the quad and with the help of sequential spawns, proceeded to get about 10 frags without moving from that spot. One of the spectators that evening was id's John Cash (Hellrot) who is a member of Clan 311. Needless to say, Cash was very impressed with Ettu's talent. More than that, he had never seen the sequential spawns be used (abused?) in that kind of fashion.

Two days later (May 29th, 1997), Cash updated his .plan file with the following.

"I observed a game with a guy from the UK who plays as Ettu the other night. That guy was evil. Don't know how he is in a FFA, but he was damn good in a 1v1 and a 2v2. Those sequenced respawn points have *got* to go. Disruptor, Tokay, and I came up with a few ideas we'll probably test out on Underworld."

Soon after that, id released a new version of QW and a patch for Quake servers to enable random spawns. Ettu (the Evil one), who was pretty damn good at that time, went on to become one of the best Quake players in the world. Adze continued to run the most popular duel Quake servers in the UK.

Ettu and I became fairly close "Quake friends" for quite a while after this. He has since gotten married and retired from Quake. He was busy playing Ultima On-line for a while but I haven't talked to him in ages. If you see Doug, tell him I said "Hi" and to give me a shout. I still see Adze from time to time, he's still a pretty nice guy.

The nicest thing about this "meeting" of international players was that everybody was cool about it. Ettu and Adze didn't have the "kick some yankee ass" attitude and the 311 guys didn't have the "go home to your own country" type attitude. Walter and Ettu played quite a few times after that but, Walter's modem connection always restricted him. By the time he got his lpb status, Ettu had retired. Even with that, it was still a good day for the "Quake World".

...And they all lived happily ever after.

After reading this for the first time in months, it still brings back fond memories of Quake gone by. Last I heard was that Ettu was practicing Q3A and has intentions of coming back to play.

I don't want this to come out the wrong way so, I'll preface this by saying that I think Kane is one of the best QW players in the world these days. The other day, I even mentioned that I thought he was one of the 3 superstar players (along with DOOMer and Pure) at the recent EU / NA matches.

For some reason, I don't like watching QW demos by Kane. I'm not sure why this is. He is certainly a great player but, when I watch his demos, they do nothing for me. I can watch a demo by a lessor player and enjoy it more. It's not a comment against his talent because he obviously has lots of that. He's finished first or second in nearly every QW tourney over the past few months.

Some people may say it's because he's not a flashy player like Lakerman or Sectopod, this may be true but, I don't watch demos for their entertainment value only. Many of you know that a couple of my favorite Quake players were Thresh and Danold, although immensely talented, neither of these two players are considered flashy.

So, why don't I like to watch Kane demos? I don't know. It's nothing against him as a person because I've never talked to him other than to say "hi". It's nothing against him as a QW player because I think he's very talented and has proven himself many times. It's not because he's German, in clan SK or his age. None of these facts bother me in the least.

If somebody has any ideas on this, please let me know.

Did anybody happen to notice that long time QW player Hatti (Hattifnatt) was one of the players doing speed runs on the new Quake Two Done Quick Too? Congrats on that Hatti. It just goes to show that Q2 artistry is not limited to Q2 players only.

How to make sCary jealous. Last week on Wednesday, July 21st, a buddy of mine came in to town on a business trip. He was staying at a fancy hotel downtown and he asked me to have a late dinner with him after his meetings were over.

At 11:30 p.m., I met Dave at a restaurant called "The Velvet Glove" which is a fancy place that I never go to. It's one of those restaurants where you have 4 waiters serving you and even lighting your cigarettes.

After we had been there for about 15 minutes, a group of 4 people came in and sat at the table beside Dave and I. There were 2 young (and very pretty) women (about 18-20) and the other woman and the man were older (perhaps 40). The two younger women were laughing and giggling at the table and the other two were rather quiet.

When I looked at Dave, I noticed that he was staring at the next table and his eyes were wide open. I laughed and asked him if he was okay. He leaned forward and said "Do you know who that girl is?". I looked over and told him that I didn't recognize her. He whispered across the table, "That's Britney Spears". I've never seen Britney Spears except in a picture on sCary's page so, I wouldn't have guessed it was her. Since I've never heard any of her music, I'm not a fan of hers and I didn't know she was singing in concert that night.

Dave was fidgeting in his seat because he was so excited to see her. I told him to say "hi" to her but, he wouldn't. I leaned over towards their table and said "Excuse me". They all stopped talking and looked at me. I then asked, "Are you Britney Spears"? She looked around the room and then said "yes". I told her that my friend Dave was a huge fan of hers and asked if he could get an autograph. At this time, Dave was trying to find someplace to hide because he was so embarrassed.

I expected her to scribble her name on paper and hand it to us but, she got up from her table and came over to our table. At this point, I thought to myself, "wow, nice body". She sat down in the chair between Dave and I and asked how we were and if we had seen her show. I didn't have the heart to tell her I didn't know who she was.

After about one minute of small talk with Dave, she signed an autograph, then she held Dave's hand and gave him a kiss on the cheek. After that she left and went back to her table. Needless to say, Dave was in heaven. He was a 30 year old acting like a 12 year old. He looked at what Britney had written down and smiled. Dave handed the autograph to me and I read what it said.

Thanks for being a fan, Dave.
Love Britney Spears
P.S. You're very handsome. xoxoxo

Needless to say, Dave couldn't shut-up about her for the rest of the time he was in the city. If I had a choice (which I don't), I still prefer to marry Shania Twain. Anyway, that was last week's "brush with greatness". Eat your heart out, Steve!

"My hands are tied. The billions shift from side to side and the wars go on with brainwashed pride. With no love of God or human rights, cause all these dreams are swept aside. By bloody hands of the hypnotized who carry the cross of homicide. History hides the lies of our civil wars."

Previous LOD was "Intro" by USA group "Aerosmith" (from Get A Grip)

In light of all this silly stuff regarding the letter to id Software, There was only one way to solve this problem so that everybody could get on with their lives. This is on the assumption that we actually have lives.

The only way to remedy the problem was to go through legal channels. The court case has taken place, Here is the transcript for all to read. All names have been changed to protect the ignorant.

Location: Los Angeles County Courthouse, Room A
Complainant: Duracell
Defendant: Mentos
Judge: Lance Wopner
Complainant Lawyer: Marsha Clark
Defendant Lawyer: Perry Mason

Day 1 - 8:00 a.m.

Judge - Call to order, Ms. Clark, what are the charges against Mr. Mentos?
Clark - He's a liar your Honor. His public meetings are a danger to the state. He spoke for all Quake, QW and Quake2 players around the world and we can prove that he didn't talk to all of them before writing on their behalf. Who does this fuckwit think he is?
Mason - Objection your Honor, Mr. Mentos has already been put on record as a liar, he can not be a fuckwit too.
Judge - Sustained. Ms. Clark, you will refer to the fuckwi..err Mr. Mentos as a liar.

Judge - Mr. Mason, what is your client's plea?
Mason - Absolutely, positively, 150% not guilty, your Honor.
Judge - Cut the crap Mr. Mason, for the record, the defense pleads not guilty.

Judge - Okay Ms. Clark, call your first witness.
Clark - I'd like to call the entire Quake 2 community to the stand.
Mason - Objection! There's no way that 30 people can fit on the stand.
Judge - Sustained, Ms. Clark, call only a single witness.
Clark - We call DBB to the stand

Clark - Mr. DBB, did you receive "this" letter from Mr. Mentos?
DBB - Yes, that's the letter.
Clark - Please read the last line in the letter.
DBB - It says "The Quake Community".
Clark - Thank you, no more questions.

Judge - Your witness Mr. Mason

Mason - Mr. DBB, are you part of this "Quake Community"?
DBB - Yes, I am a big fan of all games that cause harmony around the world. Bringing some inner peace to all in the form of on-line gaming is what everybody strives for.
Mason - Err, no more questions.

Judge - Call your next witness Ms. Clark
Clark - We call Thrush to the stand

Clark - Mr. Thrush, are you a part of the Quake Community?
Thrush - Yes, I'm a big part. I used to be the best Doom player in the world, then I was the best Quake player in the world, then I was the best Quake2 player in the world, now I run a very popular web site called FiredQuad.com. It's really cool and you should make sure you visit it because it's has lot of great things on....
Clark - Okay, okay, we'll visit. Now, do you consider the Quake Community and the Quake2 Community to be the same or separate entities?
Thrush - You can read about that in the 20 page article I posted last week on my site called FiredQuad.com.
Clark - You're not answering the question Mr. Thrush.
Thrush - I can't, I don't get hits if I answered it here.

Judge - Bailiff, take Mr. Thrush into custody for contempt of court.
Thrush - No your Honor, I have to post another 15 page cpu review today, I can't spend the time in jail.
Judge - Too late Mr. Thrush. Besides, I'm still pissed that you never posted a link to my site called www.i-did-oj.com, so, you can spend some time in jail.

Judge - Next witness please, Ms. Clark.
Clark - We call Horny to the stand.

Clark - Mr. Horny, being an impartial witness from Austria, do you think that the Quake and Quake2 community are one in the same?
Horny - Umm, yeah, I guess, I mean, we want to be a big happy family and I consider all Quake, Quake2, QW and Q3A players my personal friends.
Clark - So, you really like Quake2?
Horny - No, I can't do it. I can't go against my beliefs that Quake is the best game ever.
Clark - No more questions.

Judge - Your witness Mr. Mason

Mason - Mr. Horny, why is Quake the best game ever?
Horny - Because Quake2 sucks.
Mason - So, the Quake and Quake2 communities are different?
Horny - Yes, dammit, they are. I'm sorry I lied to my fans. <sniff>
Mason - No more questions.

Judge - Any more witnesses Ms. Clark?
Clark - Yes, we'd like to call the famous Quake2 player Pall2 to rebut Mr. Horny's statement that Quake2 sucks.

Clark - Pall2, how long have you been playing Quake2?
Pall2 - About a week.
Clark - And your opinion of it?
Pall2 - It's great, I love it.
Clark - Thank you, no more questions.

Judge - Your witness Mr. Mason.

Mason - Pall2, I have a quote from you saying "Quake2 is a bag of 3dfx spank". What do you have to say about that?
Pall2 - Oh, that was before I tried it and Mentos was hosting my web page so, I wanted to say something to keep him happy.
Mason - Are you close friends with Mr. Duracell?
Pall2 - Nah, he's a cunt.
Mason - Were you friends with Mr. Mentos?
Pall2 - Nope, he's a cunt too.
Mason - Did Ms. Clark coach you on how to answer these questions?
Pall2 - That cunt? I just banged her to keep her happy so that she'd pay me the $10,000 she promised me for answering these dumb fucking questions.
Judge - Mr. Pall2, you'll have to refrain from using that language in a court of law.
Pall2 - Fuck Orf, ya dumb cunt.
Judge - Bailiff, put Mr. Pall2 with Mr. Thrush

Judge - Ms. Clark, do you and Mr. Duracell actually have any witnesses to say that Mr. Mentos lied?
Clark - Umm, no, not really. It's just our circumstantial evidence against all of Mr. Mentos lies that he always posts on his crappy web site.
Judge - Mr. Mason, do you and Mr. Mentos actually have any witnesses to say that your client didn't post those filthy dirty lies on his crappy web site?
Mason - Well, the only way we can prove that he didn't lie is to try and find the original letter that was sent to Mr. John Cartman who is the owner of Did Software.
Judge - How long would it take to get him to the courtroom?
Mason - About 6 months, he won't come out of his office until his next game is finished.
Judge - Bailiff, get Mr. Cartman here by tomorrow morning at 9.

Day 2 - 9:00 a.m.

Judge - Mr. Mason, did Mr. John Cartman from Did Software arrive?
Mason - Yes, your Honor, he was more than happy to attend these proceedings.
Judge - Fine, untie him and get him on the stand.

Clark - Thank you for coming Mr. Cartman
Cartman - Mmmmmfff mmffff mooommmfff
Judge - Bailiff, please remove the tape from across his mouth.

Clark - Sorry about that Mr. Cartman, let's begin again. Thanks for being here.
Cartman - Who the hell are you? Take me back to Dallas!
Clark - Certainly, after we ask you some questions.
Cartman - I don't have time for questions, I have a game to make. I have a lot of important things to fix before my next game is released. Just the other day, I added a shotgun pellet.
Clark - Err, thanks for that info. Now, take a look at this letter and tell me if you've ever seen it before.
Cartman - Yeah, I've seen that before.
Clark - Do you recall when you received the letter?
Cartman - Yes, I got it a few days ago from some llama named Mentos.
Clark - Do you know or have you ever heard of the llama before?

Mason - Objection!
Judge - Sustained. Ms. Clark, do NOT refer to Mr. Mentos as anything other than a liar.

Clark - Sorry, your Honor. Mr. Cartman, have you ever heard of "him" before?
Cartman - Yeah, he's that pain in the ass, web pimp that hates everything that has been released in the last two years.
Clark - Heh, I like that Mr. Cartman. Now, back to the letter. Is the letter in front of you the same as the one you received from Mr. Mentos the other day?
Cartman - The first two lines are.
Clark - What do you mean? Didn't you read the whole thing?
Cartman - Nope, I'm not allowed to.
Clark - Please explain.
Cartman - In the second line of the letter, it mentioned something about the "original Quake" so, I stopped reading.
Clark - Why is that?
Cartman - My therapist told me not to associate with the original Quake because every time I did, I would get flashbacks of John Romeo who created Did Software until I had him ousted.
Clark - So, what do you do with the letters from the Quake 1 players?
Cartman - I give them to the other guys to laugh at.. err research.
Clark - Then what happens to them?
Cartman - After they're carefully considered for about 15 seconds, we delete them.
Clark - So, you don't know what was actually said in the letter that was sent to you by Mr. Mentos?
Cartman - Nope.

Clark - Sigh
Mason - Sigh
Judge - Sigh
Duracell - Sigh
Mentos - Sigh
Jury - Sigh
Gallery - Sigh

Judge - You're dismissed Mr. Cartman but, before you go, can you explain for the benefit of the court exactly what Quake really is?
Cartman - Sure, me and a few other programmers got together and made the first real 3D shooting game for the pc. Then we made a sequel and called it Quake2 and now we're making another sequel.
Judge - Wait. Did you say pc game? As in computer game?
Cartman - Yes.
Judge - You're dismissed Mr. Cartman.

Judge - Mr. Duracell and Mr. Mentos, please stand up.
Mason - Your Honor, shouldn't you be addressing myself and Ms. Clark?
Judge - Sit down and shut-up Mr. Mason.
Judge - Mr. Duracell and Mr. Mentos. Do you mean to tell me that you two went through all this trouble over a fucking computer game?
Duracell and Mentos - Err, Yes.
Judge - I've had enough, I sentence both of you to 3 years in jail playing nothing but Duke Nukem against Pall2 and Thrush. Now get out of my court. Bailiff, take them away.
Duracell - But your Honor, it's important that we get to the bottom of this. Plus, I can't spend time in jail because I have to write more Q2 stories.
Judge - Bailiff, you heard me, take them away.
Mentos - I Was Framed!!!!
Judge - Case closed! <bang with gavel>, Ms. Clark, I need some help with my robe, meet me in my chambers.

Note: Some of the above transcript may be exaggerated.

"Wake up kids, it's half past youth, ain't nothing ever changes but the date. You're a grand slammer but you're no Babe Ruth, you gotta learn how to relate."

Previous LOD was "Blues, Before and After" by USA group "The Smithereens"

It's always something! Last time I updated this page, I mentioned some things about the players in the TGI that were less than perfect. To those players, let me preface the comments I made last time by saying that I think all players in the TGI were / are great players. Nobody sucked, nobody played bad etc. The worst player in the tourney could beat me even if they played with a joystick (damn, that *is* bad!). If I bruised somebody's ego, don't let it bother you. The TGI games rocked! If I said that a player camped or didn't play smart, it doesn't make a difference after the player won or lost that particular game.

Bottom line is that all the players impressed me in one way or another. Their QW skills and talent are incredible and all of them deserved to be at the TGI. Nuff said.

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Did I mention that Hoony did a great job with his chronological posting of events at the TGI? It's wonderful so, go and take a read. I'm glad that Hoony is taking a bit of time off from his site. As most of you know, he has a new baby and his wife still let him go to Sweden for the TGI. I have a feeling that Hoony will have to do a lot of sucking up for the next little while. :)

Great job at the TGI, Richard. Have fun with your family for a while.

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On the second day of the Ultimate Quake Poll III, I was chatting with DBs from Barrysworld (my host site) and he mentioned that he wanted to bring my site down for about 5 minutes because the BW webservers were being max'd out by one of the sites. Turns out that I was the guilty party. There were 2 problems at the same time. One was the fact that I had the poll out-putting to 2 different files (different formats). Appending to 2 files that were 2+ megs in size continuously is a tough task for a lot of servers. To compound this, Bluesnews had mentioned my poll about 1/2 hour earlier so, the site was being hit at a good pace.

Sorry about that Tony, :)

I went out to one of the local casinos last night with my "gorgeous blond neighbor"™. I decided to play poker and she headed off to the electronic Bingo area (there were about 1,000 people playing Bingo). After I finished losing all my money (I actually broke even), I went to see how she was doing. She was playing the last game which was a full-house bingo game with a $17,000.00 prize. When I looked at her screen, she only needed one number to win. They called 8 more numbers before somebody (actually 3 people) won the pot. The number she needed? Wouldn't you know it would be "B2".

Is anybody else tired of waiting for Q3Test? I certainly am. C'mon John, let's get to it. Don't make me come to Dallas and "lay the smackdown" on ya!  :)

Same goes for Daikatana. We were told that we would see a public DM demo (not the Mplayer one) about 1 week after the Mplayer one was released. Where is it JR?

On this topic, I posted my John Romero interview over a year ago and at that time, ION Storm had just delayed the release of Daikatana until September of 1998. Okay, that's now 7 months ago.

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Having a web site has it's good and bad. One of the bad things is stuff that you hear "off the record" and for whatever the source's reasons, they ask you not to post it. As a sort of code of honor, I never post stuff that I'm asked not to. Sometimes this sucks because often, I hear some incredible things that I'm bursting to tell everybody but, I can't do it because I promised not to.

Knowing some of this "off the record" info sometimes makes it hard to post an unbiased opinion on certain topics. Most of the "off the record" stuff comes out in the wash. Either everybody hears about it sooner or later or, the news just fades away. The hardest is when you have information that is still relevant that you know won't be heard by most people. Oh well, I guess a promise is a promise.

I finally got around to reading some of my vast e-mail from the last two weeks or so. I answered some of it, deleted a lot of it and saved some for later. Most of the e-mails I get are fairly nice, others are just stupid and a few are from cunts (© Paul2 1998) that don't realize how fucking stupid they sound when they're trying to state their opinion. If you don't have something semi-intelligent to say, don't bother writing your self-effacing dribble to me. This last comment is directed to only a few people. I'm generally not that critical of the mail I receive.

"I wanna take you in my arms and you just don't wanna know. When I finally get to touch you it's like 40 below. Just as always you have gotten your way. It's just a normal complication in a typical day."

Previous LOD was "Ship Of Fools" by USA group "World Party"

After the tourney, Izn0 relayed to me all the things that went wrong with the tourney. I suggested to him that it was kind of like having a baby. You go through a lot of pain for a few months but, the end result is nearly always wonderful. Plus, you always need sleep after it's over. :)

The matches from the first game to the last were awesome and intense. The matches were going "as planned" until Columbo decided to stir things up and beat Reload 2 games to 1. This brought a collective "wow!" from the irc crowd. Realizing at that moment that this tourney was serious business. From then on, people were glued to the irc channels or the proxies. Even the players took note of the caliber of play and "up'd" their own play to new heights.

• Most Exciting Game - Lakerman vs Kane Finals on DM2 (was there any question?)
• Most Boring Game - Lakerman vs Kane Finals on DM4 (what was Kane thinking?)
• Game With The Most Great Frags - Lakerman vs Reload DM6 (wow)
• Most Anticipated Game - Reload Vs Lakerman DM2
• Closest Game - Lakerman vs Kane Finals on DM2
• Biggest Spanking - Xenon vs Reload DM4 (50-3)
• Most Surprising Result - Columbo vs Xenon DM6 (8-4 Columbo)
• Coolest Tricks at TGI (tie) - Sectopod rjump to top on DM2, Sectopod's bounce jumping on DM4 & Lakerman's LG/RL jumps on DM6 (all 700 of them :)
• Most Camping in one match - Reload vs Lakerman DM2
• Most Unsportsmanlike Frag - Timber vs Reload DM2
• Biggest Oops - Sectopod vs Sujoy DM4 (forgot to set the time to 15 min)
• Quietest Player at TGI - Columbo (never said a word, just played)
• Loudest Player at TGI - Timber (always yelling)
• Nicest Player at TGI (consensus) - Blitzer
• Fastest Player at TGI - Sectopod (Damn, he can fly around levels)
• Most People Mad at Methos - During the DM2 match in the finals between Lakerman and Kane, I was the only one relaying scores to the 400+ people in the Truegamers irc channel. While there was no frags for a minute, I jokingly typed to all the people waiting for the next score, "I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be back in 5 minutes". I got msg'd about 200 times before I could type "joking" on the next line. :)

Previous LOD was "I Just Want You" by UK artist "Ozzy Ozbourne"